Issa Lie

How to Break Down the Wall Around Your Heart

We’re probably all guilty of trying to make ourselves believe what we wish were true. You know, it’s trendy these days to say we’re unbothered, yet we’re camouflaging the reality that something is ailing us, be it family or job issues, spiritual or financial concerns, or relationship problems. However, it paints a better picture of us when we appear strong, fearless, and independent.

I probably could’ve won, or at least been nominated for, best child actor when I’d tell others that I didn’t need my daddy. I would say, “I made it without him all these years, surely I don’t need him now.” I know I’m not alone here. The truth: I said those things to make it look like I was alright and sometimes we make such statements to comfort ourselves, but issa lie.

I know there are women who absolutely hate their father and don’t want anything to do with him, but I’m willing to confidently say that deep within, they wish they felt differently about him. They wish he was the loving, supportive dad that they could happily show off to the world. I mean, who doesn’t want the “perfect family”? It would be so nice, but when that’s not the hand you’ve been dealt, and instead you have a hand full of hearts and diamonds like in a spades game, you opt to call a bluff in an attempt to throw others off when you’re actually bleeding from your dad’s absence, resistance, death, alcohol or drug abuse, or emotional detachment.

I don’t regret my lies, my acting, or my bluffs as a child because I just didn’t know how to handle my truth. As an adult, I chose to accept and handle my truth. That’s the only way I could have broken down barriers I created over the years — the walls I thought would protect my emotions.

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How can you do it? How can you break down the wall you’ve built around your heart?

  1. Make a conscious decision that you are ready. You cannot do anything about the wall until you are ready for it to come down and being ready means you must first recognize there’s a wall there. Move forward even if others are not ready to. This is about YOU.
  2. Find someone you trust and begin the conversation. Now the hard part. This wall has been under construction for decades, now you have to create an entryway to let someone in. This could be a certified fatherless daughter advocate, pastor, mentor, or counselor. Pray about who that person should be and allow the Lord to lead you to him or her. Whoever you choose, be honest with yourself, be honest with them and share your truth.
  3. Remember, it’s a process. You can’t just bulldoze the wall. The people or person you choose to trust can help you tear down the wall brick by brick. I thought I had figured everything out on my own prior to launching this blog and sharing my story, but after talking with my mentor, I learned I had some blind spots. There were still bricks I had chisel.
  4. Forgive. This is the step you’re probably not ready to take, but you will have to forgive some folks in the process, perhaps even yourself.

Determination is not enough. It certainly takes divine intervention, the transforming power of God, to get the desired results.

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