Stop Blaming Yourself
When I decided on the subject for this post, I could hear Maury Povich saying, “You are not the father.”
You probably remember the popular paternity test segments of Maury where mothers tried to prove whether or not men they were involved with were the father of their child. In many cases, Maury relieved the burden from nervous guys after they heard him say, “You are not the father.”
My message to fatherless daughters: You are not the problem.
When there’s a nagging ache to determine why the enemy will have you believe that you are the problem. You’ll find yourself asking: What’s wrong with me? What did I do? Why did this happen to me? Why wasn’t I aborted? Why me?
I’ve been down that road before, traveled it many days, thinking it’s my fault or that things would be better if I wasn’t here.
Girlfriend, (in my Maury voice,) you are not the problem.
We have no control over whether or not we come into the world or whether our dads are a part of our world, but it is our responsibility to make the best out of life. It can seem like we’re constantly coming to a dead end and rerouting to try and find a place of peace or belonging. One way to get there is by removing the roadblocks in your mind. In Romans, Paul instructs us to be transformed by renewing our minds. We must change the way we think of ourselves, not settle on the way the world views us to focus on the way God sees us.
Four I Am Statements to Help You Shift the Way You Think of Yourself
1. I am valuable.
Ever felt worthless because of your circumstance of fatherlessness? God tells us that we are valuable – worth more than many sparrows, more precious than gold. As the owner, you can take your gold jewelry to a jeweler and based on the value of the jewelry, you can receive cash. Who do you belong to and just how valuable are you? Look to the cross for that answer. You have been bought and paid for Jesus. You are valuable.
“So don’t be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:31
“For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 1 Peter 1:18-19
2. I matter.
When we feel worthless we tend to also believe that we don’t matter anyone. You matter to God. You were in his care before you were born and He promised to care for you while you are on this earth. Yes, you matter! Rather than focus on why you don’t matter to others, even your father, focus on why you matter to God and discover your purpose.
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart. . .” Jeremiah 1:5
3. I am loved.
As fatherless daughters, we long to be loved. One aspect that’s so great about God is He’ll meet you right where you are in life. You don’t even have to introduce yourself to Him because He knows you by name and he knows what you’ve been through and what you’re going through. Regardless of what your past or present looks like, He will welcome you into the family of believers. He showed His love by giving His only Son to die so that we will have everlasting life. That’s love. You are loveable. God is love and His love endures forever.
“For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” Psalm 100:5
4. I am beautiful.
Fatherlessness can trigger low self-esteem among girls and spill over into adulthood. Before he formed you in your mother’s womb, he knew you. He knit you together and created you in His image. Flaws and all – you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Yes, you are beautiful!
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14